Today my frustrations finally boiled over. My daughter is deathly afraid of my prosthesis. Like shakes she’s so afraid. The puppy is… well… a puppy. I’ve forgotten to take my meds way too many days now that I get up early to get to work. I am struggling to find time to wear my leg. This afternoon when I finally did I struggled to make it work. After Laramie left to take Adelynn to swim lessons I broke down.
So many changes in life in the last 30 days. I’m less than a month away from my 6-month scan and while my oncologist wasn’t concerned at my 3 month, the spot on my lung at that time makes me worry. Part of me wants to go back to the time period when I “knew” that there was no chance of me getting a leg. Before I knew what I know now. Before I knew that I couldn’t quit.
Up until now, I’ve been pretty ok. Yes there were days that weren’t great but at the worst, they were ok. I knew that I could do it. I could prove people wrong. I wasn’t worried about letting my daughter down. Today that changed. I felt like I wasn’t going to get it. But it’s all still brand new.
I have to remember to take it 1 day at a time. I thing at a time even. I have to remember that it’s all new. I can’t expect to be an expert at it all right away. I have to fail, maybe even fall. If I can’t allow myself to fail, I’ll never improve. That’s what makes you quit too early. If babies stopped trying to walk after falling down, none of us would walk. It’s all easier said than done. But it’s what MUST be done.