Day 25 – Your Biggest Regret

This one is pretty easy for me and I’ve referenced it before. When my daughter was born, I was bitter. To say I was not prepared for fatherhood is an understatement. I. Was. Lost. I’d never really been around babies before so I knew absolutely nothing about them. To hold a little 6 pound 2 ounce minutes old baby was terrifying. Add to that, I was not ready for the sacrifices that were needed.

I still wanted to spend time hunting, fishing, golfing, and just being able to have my wife all to myself. I had paternal post partum depression. But I didn’t do anything to get help. I just got bitter. I didn’t spend the time with her that I should have. Instead of getting on the ground with her every chance I had, I’d spend time on my phone. Now that I’ve lost basically a whole year of her life, I am mad that I didn’t do more those first number of months.

On top of all that, I wasn’t the best husband. My wife worked nights at the hospital so I was the sole parent at night. When she didn’t sleep, I had nobody to trade off with. It was just me. I shut down some towards her with bitterness. In reality, I had a huge gift being able to spend all of that time with my daughter just me. She was a complete daddy’s girl for a long time because of it but I didn’t take advantage of it fully. That is my biggest regret.

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