Day 21 – What Makes You Sad

I feel like there are so many levels of sad. It makes me sad that Big Bang Theory is over! So many years spent watching that show and one of the few that I liked that actually hung around… Then there is sad when I think about how much of the last year of peanuts life that I feel like I lost. She changed SO much in that year too… she started out two and now it feels like I have a 13 year old she has so much sass!!!

It makes me sad that I was never able to finish any kind of college degree. I just could never figure out what I wanted to do and bounced around too much and gave up. Then there is sad that I have yet to get back to work. It has been 2 and half months that I have been ready to go back. Plus when I do, there is a high likelyhood that I’ll end up with something that has weekends or nights.

It makes me sad that I don’t get to spend as much time outdoors as I would like. Then there is sad that on May 25th 2018 I was told I had cancer and on Feb 15 2019 I had a hemipelvectomy level amputation.

I used to get upset over a lot of things. Some made me sad, some mad, some annoyed. Instead of being sad about the smaller things…. it’s the big things that are worth being sad about. Then there are things that initially make you sad. I spent some time crying when Dr. Cheng left my room the day he said my two options were amputation or letting the cancer kill me. I was more than sad that day even though I had been researching it for months when he said that was a last resort. Even though I knew deep down that it would happen before I went to the Cities and found out I had an infection AND the cancer was back.

But yet, there is so much good that has come out of it. It’s ok to be sad. It’s healthy even. There are just different levels and things are actually worth being sad about.

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